Nurturing Beyond Behavior Challenges

The list of complaints from parents can go on for a long time.

And usually these complaints end with the questions "What should I do?" and "How should I act?" What do these questions have in common? They focus on the child's behavior. And by doing so, they blind us, take us away from the heart of the problem, and prevent us from seeing the answer.

It would be much better if these complaints sounded different:

Agree, the same situation, but the question is not about behavior, but about the emotional state of the child. And the questions of what to do and how to act are not so acute and the answers to them lie on the surface.

Yes, it can be very difficult to see our child behind their behavior.

Imagine that a child is something valuable and interesting lying behind a window. And yes, the window can be dirty, the sun can glare in it, blinding us and blocking our view of what is behind it.

But we will never focus on the window, we will look from different angles. We will cover the sun with our hand. But we will try to see what is behind it with all our might.

Our reflection in it can also interfere, where we see how we were treated as children. How our own problems come to the surface and prevent us from acting the way we want.

As parents, it is very important for us to learn to look through the window. Look at the child, at their emotional state, not at their behavior.

It is the focus on the child and their state that can help us not only to react to their behavior ecologically and help to strengthen the bond. If we see the child and what they need our help with, then our instincts of care are activated and help us find answers within ourselves. And this is exactly what we should strive for, to be the answer for our child, not to search for instructions and directions.