Navigating Parenting Fears: Tears, Tantrums, and Emotional Growth

Every parent has their own fears when it comes to parenting. We all want the best for our children, but sometimes it is these fears that keep us from reaching our goals.

One of the most common fears is the fear of children's tantrums and tears.

Many parents face this fear from the first days of a child's arrival.

Of course, each parent will act differently under the influence of fear.

Some parents choose to avoid tears. These parents do everything to keep their child from crying. They allow anything that is not life-threatening, even if it violates the boundaries of others or the boundaries of what is permissible in society in general.

Such a line of upbringing leads to the fact that the child practically does not face futility, and therefore one of the most important developmental processes, adaptation, stands still. The child simply does not have the opportunity to get the experience of living this futility, and when the child faces the first refusals, and even tears and tantrums do not help to get what they want, it becomes a great shock for the child. The established grooves in the brain do not work, and oh how difficult it is to turn off them when they become deeper over and over again. There are also associated difficulties in integrating into society when everything was allowed, and then the child suddenly finds out that society does not accept what was allowed to him.

The second line of behavior is to ignore tears or forbid crying. This is often done with the best of intentions, and often out of one's own defenses against tears. This regularly confronts children with separation, and ultimately leads to psychological defenses.

Such children get absolutely no experience in accepting their emotions. Because of the defenses, their hearts become hardened and qualities like empathy, compassion, and sympathy are not developed. Such children are more aggressive and often do not accept the tears and vulnerable feelings of others.

Another strategy of a parent, out of fear of tantrums and tears, can be inflexibility. Such parents will stand their ground to the end, listening to the child's tantrums, even in matters that are not fundamental. Such parents are afraid to change their decision, arguing that this way children will learn to manipulate and understand that the tantrum can help achieve what they want.

With this parenting style, the child does not get the experience that he can somehow influence the situation. Sooner or later, the child will stop even trying to change anything, which will undoubtedly affect all aspects of his life, not only in the context of requests to the parent.

Although here another influence on the child is possible, if the parent resorts to the schemes of "say `please' and then you will get it", "say it this way and then we will talk" and so on. In this case, the child also faces separation, and then psychological adjustments begin to develop. When their own emotions and desires are pushed to the background, and the child tries to be what "mold" provided by the parent. Such children quickly learn to say thank you\please\excuse me to get their way, but it has nothing to do with true gratitude or regret.

So what's the right way to behave as parents? The answer lies in the golden mean.

We, as responsible adults, ourselves decide in what situation to give what the child wants to avoid hysterics when there is no strength for it and the circumstances are not suitable. Where to insist on their own and let live the futility of the situation.

Do not be afraid to change your decision if it will be given from the alpha position of "I thought and decided" instead of "take it, just leave me alone".

And of course, never ignore the child's emotions, give them space and acceptance instead. Stay with the child and show that your relationship is not destroyed by this.

Yes, our fears influence our parenting style, but we have the right to choose whether to follow their lead or choose our own path!